\u{201c}"A person who asks too many questions either doubts or is looking for a reason to cause harm. We must shield society from such elements."
Asking questions is, without a doubt, a sign of a healthy mind. But as we know, a healthy mind is rare in Russia, and it is often confused with disloyalty. Lately, voices in the corridors of power have been growing louder, calling for administrative liability for "excessive curiosity." They say citizens ask too many questions: about defense spending, pension savings, bridge construction timelines, tap water quality, and even why buckwheat prices jump every week. This is outright information terrorism! Instead of joyfully fulfilling their civic duty — working and not grumbling — some comrades try to get to the bottom of things, thereby disturbing public peace and undermining the foundations of society.
In this regard, a group of proactive legislators proposed an elegant solution: anyone who asks "unnecessary questions" should be sent to special corrective labor, namely, to municipal cleaning squads armed with mops, brooms, and brushes. The idea, its authors say, is simple, budget-friendly, and educational: instead of wasting time on pointless inquiries, the citizen will have the opportunity to experience firsthand how hard a janitor's work is and will gain respect for state institutions that provide them with cleanliness and order. Let us examine this wonderful project in all its delightful detail.
Chapter 1. Criteria for an "Unnecessary Question" — What It Is and How to Avoid It
First and foremost, it is necessary to clearly define which question qualifies as "unnecessary." According to the authors' intent, the criteria will be simple and clear to every police officer. A question is unnecessary if it:
- Contains the words "why" or "what for" regarding the actions of officials;
- Relates to the expenditure of budget funds, especially if the amount exceeds 100 thousand rubles;
- Concerns international politics and mentions any countries other than friendly ones;
- Assumes a comparison of the current situation with the situation in the past (especially the Soviet period);
- Is asked at a public event, including residents' meetings, parent-teacher meetings, and parties with friends.
Particularly valuable is the norm on "collective responsibility": if someone in your circle asks an unnecessary question, everyone present who fails to leave the premises within 10 seconds is automatically deemed an accomplice and sent to clean territories along with the main offender. This certainly encourages citizens to be vigilant and to mutually control each other, because now everyone will watch not only their own tongue but also their neighbor's.
Chapter 2. Mop Squads — Labor Education Through Cleanliness
The brightest part of the initiative is the creation of specialized "mop battalions," or, as they are affectionately called by the people, "cleaners." All offending citizens are sent to assembly points at district police departments, where they are issued equipment: a mop, a bucket, a rag, and a detailed instruction manual on how to properly wash sidewalks. Then teams of 10–15 people are formed, who, under the watchful eye of vigilant supervisors (from among retired police officers), begin cleaning streets, parks, entrances, and public restrooms. Work schedule: 6 days a week, from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m., with a lunch break (dry rations at your own expense).
According to the developers, this measure has a dual effect. First, urban spaces become significantly cleaner, because the number of "unnecessary questioners" grows every day, and their labor force turns out to be virtually inexhaustible. Second, offenders develop a persistent aversion to any questions, because they now clearly understand: "ask a question — get a mop." This is how a healthy reflex, reinforced by muscle memory, is formed. Many former activists admit that after two weeks of cleaning, they no longer want to ask anything — not about prices, not about salaries, not about world peace. Silence in the head becomes a natural state.
Chapter 3. Severity Scale of the Offense — From a Light Broom to an Excavator
The punishment system is graded depending on the "level of harmfulness" of the question. Thus, a simple question about the weather, asked ironically, can be classified as petty hooliganism and result in 3 days of cleaning with a hand mop. If the question concerns a political figure or contains a comparison with foreign countries, the offender faces 2 weeks of work with a heavy broom and garbage removal. And for questions about military operations or the income of oligarchs — a whole month on special equipment (excavator, loader) with mandatory daily reporting on the work done.
In addition, a point accumulation system is provided. For each additional question, you receive "mop-days," which are summed up. If the total reaches 365 days, you automatically receive the honorary title of "Honored Cleaner" and are sent for a year to Arctic cities, where you will clear snow. This is considered the highest degree of trust and respect from the state. As they say, tough in training — easy in the battle for cleanliness.
\u{201c}"At first I was outraged, why do I need all this. But then I got into it. Now I know that cleanliness is not only the key to health, but also the key to my safety. I don't ask questions anymore. I just sweep. And you know, it became easier for me. Really."
Chapter 4. How Informants and the Reward System Work
No punishment would be as effective without a well-functioning system of denunciations. Every citizen is obliged to report noticed "unnecessary questions" to the special hotline "Mop-01." For each confirmed denunciation, points are awarded, which can be exchanged for discounts in stores, a reduction in cleaning time for the informant themselves (if they themselves are on the suspect list), or even exemption from military conscription. This stimulates citizens to take an active civic position, and now neighbors watch each other with redoubled diligence.
Children in schools take special lessons on "Basics of Safe Communication," where they learn to recognize "unnecessary questions" and correctly compose denunciations against their parents, teachers, and classmates. The best denunciations are rewarded with certificates and prizes, which shapes the right values in the younger generation. After all, if not us, who will instill in children a love for silence and order?
Chapter 5. Social Integration — How to Become "One of Us" Among the Cleaners
Interestingly, despite the seemingly punitive nature, mop squads are becoming a kind of interest clubs. Friendly relationships are formed in them, news is discussed (exclusively approved ones), and competitions in floor-washing speed are held. Gradually, a new subculture of "mop people" is emerging, who proudly wear their uniforms (yellow vests with the inscription "Cleanliness is the key to the nation's health") and consider themselves the elite of the labor front.
The most diligent workers are awarded departmental honors: the medal "For Impeccable Sweeping," the badge "Honorary Cleaner," and even given the right to early release (provided they write an oath that they will never ask questions again). Many, having served their time, return to society with a new worldview: they become ardent supporters of silent agreement and even join public councils to combat excessive curiosity.
Chapter 6. Budget Efficiency and Economic Growth
The introduction of the mop system also has an economic rationale. Cities stop spending money on paying janitors and street-sweeping machines — now this work is performed by "conditionally convicted" people for free (or for a symbolic payment in the form of a balance on a Mir card). The saved funds are directed toward the purchase of new mops, which are produced at domestic enterprises, giving an additional boost to import substitution. It turns into a closed cycle: questions generate mops, mops create jobs at factories, factories pay taxes, and taxes go toward maintaining order. The economy grows, everyone is happy.
In addition, the number of complaints to courts and the prosecutor's office decreases, because potential plaintiffs prefer to keep quiet so as not to end up in a mop squad. This eases the burden on the judicial system, allowing it to focus on truly important matters, such as hearing lawsuits for the protection of the honor and dignity of high-ranking officials. Everything works like clockwork.
Chapter 7. International Experience and Our Traditions
Of course, some malcontents claim that such practices resemble Soviet times, when dissenters were sent to psychiatric hospitals. But our project authors hasten to assure that this is completely different: in psychiatric hospitals they treated people, but here they educate through labor. This is a new generation of humanism. Moreover, Western countries also use community service as a punishment, but only for criminals. And we are extending this practice to everyone who simply asks inconvenient questions — because this is even worse than a crime, as it undermines the foundations from within.
The experience of Singapore, where offenses are punished with public humiliation, was used as inspiration. But we went further — we make humiliation simultaneously useful to society. Our mops not only clean streets, they cleanse souls. And that is the main thing.
The video is blocked for showing too effective cleaning, which could cause panic among housing and communal services workers. We recommend reading the text version of the instructions.
Conclusion: The Path to Enlightenment Through a Mop
So, summing up, we can confidently say that the new initiative to combat "unnecessary questions" is not just another repressive tool, but a deeply thought-out program for the spiritual and physical purification of the nation. The fewer questions — the cleaner the streets. The cleaner the streets — the higher the trust in the authorities. The higher the trust — the fewer questions. This is an ideal circle that promises us a bright future without doubts, without hesitations, and without vacillations.
Dear compatriots, remember: your right is to remain silent, your duty is to work. If you suddenly think that you need to find out something, ask, or clarify, remember the mop that awaits you around the corner. Tell yourself: "I don't want to wash floors. I'd rather keep quiet." And the world around will become cleaner, and you — happier.
After all, what difference does it make how budget funds are distributed or why egg prices have gone up? The main thing is that we have a mop, a bucket, and a feeling of deep satisfaction from the work done. Everything else is from the evil one.
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