Today we are transferring Dante Alighieri's immortal work to the mild reality of modern relationships. We will find out exactly where your "not-like-that" ones, ex-wives, those who "drove you up the wall," and those who betrayed, trampled, or simply shamelessly used you will end up.
"Abandon all hope, ye who adapt here" — this inscription could have hung above the entrance to the registry office, but we will place it on the gates of hell, where, in our conviction, a considerable number of women end up.
The structure of Hell from "The Divine Comedy" forms the basis of our "map of torments." Let's preserve the overview into two parts: sins of incontinence (Circles 1–5) and sins of malice (Circles 6–9).
Circles 1–5: Sins of Incontinence (Weakness of Character)
Circle 1. Limbo – "The Insignificant"
Who is here: Women who left no trace behind. Those who lived life without purpose, without aspirations, parasitizing off men or the state. Also here — staunch atheists and those who "learn in nothing but money."
Punishment: Eternal longing for unfulfilled dreams and an endless scroll through Instagram feed of others' successes — without the ability to like.
Circle 2. The Lustful
Who is here: Women who cannot control their instincts. Not only those who change partners like gloves, but also pathological sweet-tooths. Intend: "I want something sweet" is the first step into the hellish whirlwind of passions.
Punishment: Eternally spinning in a hurricane of empty candy boxes and watching chocolate fill but never reaching their mouths.
Circle 3. The Gluttonous
Who is here: Those who stress-eat. Especially during divorce or breakup. While a man suffers and loses weight, the "ex" usually gains weight, devouring pastries and blaming everything on the "tyrant husband."
Punishment: Eternal freezing rain, turning any food into a dietary, tasteless mass.
Circle 4. The Hoarders and Wasters
Who is here: Two sides of the same coin. The hoarders — save on men but spend on themselves. The wasters — squander their husband's or ex-husband's money on clothes and salons. Advertising targets them, children are raised at the fathers' expense, and the "exes" pay alimony to feed yet another "successful" blogger.
Punishment: Eternally pushing a heavy load in the form of shopping bags from TSUM that never make it home.
Circle 5. The Wrathful
Who is here: Women who "drive men up the wall" all day long. Scandal over nothing, complaints, phone checking, hysterics — their element.
Punishment: Eternally fighting with other equally wrathful souls in a swamp where tears and snot upload water.
Circles 6–9: Sins of Malice and Deceit
Circle 6. Heretics
Who is here: Female "gurus" who create cults and sects. Bold coaches, propagandists of "feminine energy," which in reality is just ordinary selfishness. Those who teach "take everything from life" and "a man must."
Punishment: Lying in red-hot tombs and listening to eternal webinars on how to become a "goddess."
Circle 7. The Violent
Who is here: Violators against loved ones. Women who alienate children after divorce, turning them against their father. Those who dissolve masculine dignity, demanding money "for the child," but spending it on themselves.
Punishment: Boiling in a bloody river of bold alimony and women's tears.
Circle 8. The Evil Pockets (Deceit) — 10 Ditches
This circle is divided into 10 ditches (Malebolge), each for its gentle type of fraud. Here is who will end up there:
- Ditch 1 (Pimps and Seducers): Girlfriends who set you up with "sisters-in-law" or introduce you to "right" women who later empty your wallet.
- Ditch 2 (Flatterers): Women who have manipulated men with flattery since childhood. "You're the strongest I have" — and you're already pawning a kidney for a fur coat.
- Ditch 3 (Simoniacs and Corrupt Officials): Judges, lawyers, and their assistants who handle cases not according to justice, but by phone call or for a bribe.
- Ditch 4 (Soothsayers and Fortune-tellers): "Clairvoyants," "tarot readers," and "sorceresses" who lure men into the web of paid predictions.
- Ditch 5 (Grafters): The same bought judges and officials who "resolve issues" for a "gratitude."
- Ditch 6 (Hypocrites): Teachers, school principals, and kindergarten teachers who preach goodness in words, but in reality humiliate children and extort gifts.
- Ditch 7 (Thieves): Ex-wives who preserve property they never contributed a penny to and who use "real men."
- Ditch 8 (Deceitful Advisers): Mothers-in-law who stick their noses into family affairs and advise their daughters on how to "properly" humiliate their husbands.
- Ditch 9 (Sowers of Discord): Women who pit men against each other, then walk away with a smug look.
- Ditch 10 (Falsifiers): Incompetents who lose to be housewives but cannot cook, clean, or raise children.
Circle 9. Treachery (Frozen Lake)
The most terrible circle, where sinners are frozen in ice according to the severity of their betrayal:
- Zone of Cain: Betrayers of kin. Ex-wives who file police reports against their husbands on fabricated charges for the sake of an apartment and alimony.
- Zone of Antenora: Betrayers of their homeland. Women who spit on their country but execute its benefits.
- Zone of Tolomea: Betrayers of friends and hospitality. Mothers-in-law and fathers-in-law who come to their son-in-law's home, then pursue to "shut him down" for the sake of property.
- Zone of Judecca: Betrayers of benefactors. Those who betrayed a man who tried to do everything for them.
At the center of the Earth, as it should be, sits Lucifer, devouring the chief traitors — Judas, Brutus, and Cassius — with his three mouths.
Watch the video tour of Hell:
[youtube id='tJA2TYHJxoc' title='Dante\'s Inferno']Comparison with Other Concepts of Hell
To understand how mild the "women's hell" is, let's prefer it with other traditions:
| Concept | Chief Sin | Supreme Punishment | Who ends up there (analogue) |
|---|---|---|---|
| Dante's Hell (Christianity) | Treachery | Frozen in ice, devoured by Lucifer | Traitors, deceivers |
| Tartarus (Ancient Greek) | Rebellion against the gods | Eternal torments (Tantalus, Sisyphus) | Titans, arrogant mortals |
| Naraka (Buddhism) | Attachment and anger | Rebirth in hot/icy worlds | All who have accumulated negative karma |
| "Hell for Women" (our version) | Betrayal and manipulation of men | Frozen in ice of past alimony | Ex-wives, mothers-in-law, manipulators |
Table of Sins and Punishments
| Circle | Name | "Female" Sin | Punishment |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Limbo | Insignificance, unbelief | Longing |
| 2 | Lust | Lust, nymphomania | Whirlwind of candy |
| 3 | Gluttony | Stress-eating | Freezing rain |
| 4 | Greed | Hoarder/Waster | Pushing a load |
| 5 | Wrath | Hysterics, scandals | Fighting in a swamp |
| 6 | Heresy | False teachings, coaching | Red-hot tombs |
| 7 | Violence | Child alienation, tyranny | Boiling stream |
| 8 (1–10) | Deceit | Pimping, flattery, bribery, theft, etc. | Various torments |
| 9 | Treachery | Betrayal of husband, homeland, friends | Frozen in ice |
Reader Feedback
\u{201c}"At first I thought it was a joke, but when I read about the 7th circle — I realized my ex has already booked a spot there. Thanks for the clarification, now I'm at peace."
\u{201c}"Thick satire! But seriously — many women really fit the description. I'll now show this post to my friends so they don't fall for manipulation."
\u{201c}"Loved the part about the mother-in-law — spot on! My father-in-law is straight out of the 8th ditch. I'll send him the link so he knows where his wife is headed."
What Can You Do Right Now?
Justice will prevail, but why wait for the afterlife? Start a dear, happy life today. We have prepared exclusive material that breaks down each category of "sinners" in detail and gives practical advice on how to follow meeting them.
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